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Arnold Apfel, originally uploaded by scottpartee.

Seriously. This is an individually-boxed, €0,99 apple from Styria featuring the “Arnold” brand. It says stuff about being powerful because it comes from the homeland of Arnold Schwarzenegger .

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Q: Maple, what do you have?
A: I have an elephant on my laptop.

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I just googled my Uncle Earl (Great Uncle, actually) to see if I could maybe peep his old studio when I’m in NYC later this summer. I got an amusing little blurb from Time Magazine’s “In The Firing Line” dated June 26, 1944:
Chili Williams, LiFE-famed pin-up model now in Hollywood, was maybe nude, maybe not, [...]

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My friend Shonali has been doing a show called “The Variety Shac” with Heather Lawless, Andrea Rosen, and Chelsea Peretti for a while now, but I just found out about it today (Inspector Clue Show, I’m not). I recommend all NYC peeps go and check it out.
In the meantime, entertain yourselves with some shorts.

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One of the hallmarks of my place of employment is that many groups allow for workforce mobility. In all of our new buildings, each row of cubes contains “telecommuter” cubes which usually fill up early in the morning with people based out of other offices in other cities or out in the ‘burbs.
Because [...]

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For no other reason than to piss him off, I present for you a video clip of my friend Asheton (AKA Tone, Ashetonio Bandares, Ashetonium) getting bucked off of a mechanical bull:

Watch the action (392K 0:15)

Particularly charming is his little “dance of defeat.” I will not divulge my sources.

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Consider if you would the following comment to my site:

i am tired of ads on my mail account. Please give me a gmail account. blahblah@r3d1ff.c0m.

Excuse me while my head explodes.

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Beerzie Boy posted a link to something at this site called Arlington Tour:
bq.The town where everything seem to suck. The kids are stupid, the adults are even dumber, and there isn’t a damn thing to do. We warned you and you didn’t listen, now get in the fucking town.
Click the “Tour” button on the [...]

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My wife and I hit a consignment sale at a local church just to see if there might be some crucial, insane baby product we haven’t yet purchased or received as a gift for our upcoming chitlin.
We didn’t find anything, but for $0.10 I got this package of vintage Kinderguard brand cabinet latches. [...]

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bitter.net and Halfass proudly announce the launch of:

Signs of Danger
What is it? The answer, from the site:
Don’t you just love those little iconic “achtung” people that illustrate all sorts of consumer product and environmental hazards? Those poor suckers; they pay the price again and again. Some people call that little bastard the “dangerman,” but [...]

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Please enjoy a brief video snippet of the turn of midnight at Johnny and Darolyn’s party celebrating the new year. Listen carefully and you can hear the gunshots. Also, check out the classic line delivered by Johnny at the end: “those things could never start a fire!”
“Flaming brains!”

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When I first moved to Atlanta, I was employed by one of the first ISPs in the city. To get an idea, Mindspring, which is now earthlink, the second-largest ISP, started as a customer of this particular ISP. So we’re talking old school ISP.
One of the major benefits of being an old school [...]

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Tell him it’s a boom in child prostitution when he show up at the stroll give him lead restitution

You could throw a twenty in a vat ‘o hot oil when he jump in after it watch him boil

Toss a dollar in the river and when he jump in if you can find he can swim
put [...]

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Read Joshua Tyree’s take on the implausibility of the Death Star’s trash compactor and waste management system. Then come back here for some of my reactions to his insanity!
Personally, I believe that the particular trash compacting system that we see in the film was put in place precisely because of its inefficient and inherently [...]

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Dear Readers:
I have a technical question. Is it bad that my cat threw up in my monitor? I don’t mean on my monitor. Literally, she threw up in my monitor. Everything is running fine, and the cat did not die from electric shock. Can I assume that everything remains okay?
Thank you,
Scotty Halfass
UPDATE:
Nate [...]

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