Here are a couple conversations that happened in the past few days that I really got a kick out of (for whatever reasons):

At the butcher shop, in German (which is why the stuff I say sounds, um, funny

Me: I’m interested in these turkeys. Are they fresh?
Butcher: Of course! This is the freshest meat in the Naschmarkt!
Me: How much does it cost?
Butcher: 8 Euros 40 cents.
Me: Per kilo?
Butcher: pauses as if somebody just shit in his apron pocket. Yes. That is per kilo.
Me: Are there things inside of it? Like kidneys, lungs, livers, hearts?
Butcher: In some of them, but if not, I have extras I can give you.
—-

While getting read for work in the morning

Maple: Are you putting your tie on?
Me: I am.
Maple: It’s a blue tie. It has polka dots on it.
Me: That’s right!
Maple: Are you going to work?
Me: I am.
Maple: Mama’s going to stay home and play with me all day.
Me: She’s is! ... Okay, I’m off to work. I love you sweet Maple!
Maple: Bye, Daddy. I’ll send you an email.