Ever since I was shocked to learn that babies are way smarter than dogs, it’s been a progression of realizations. Perhaps the most fun, but most shocking in a stare-into-the-abyss sort of way, was the realisation that my daughter is a little person with free will, opinions, thoughts and a personality.
Her latest explorations of this life are largely in the area of negotiation—a skill she picked up largely based on our reward good behavior attempts at behavior control. For example, several days back, I was bathing her, and I had to use this sort of toxic shampoo instead of normal baby shampoo. Some got in her eyes and caused her a genuine freakout where she literally leapt from the tub and within a second a soaking web baby was wrapped around my neck and torso while crying hysterically.
Well, since then, bath time has been all about negotiations. She’s terrified of the very idea of it, initially. But after some coaxing and positive reinforcement, we usualy get her to offer about ten seconds of bath time in exchange for various goods and services. This is the best we can do at present, because when I tried to just force the bath issue, I ended up with a naked wet toddler wrapped around me while crying hysterically (me and the toddler).
Part of the nightly negotiation is that Maple first tries to talk us out of the bath. It goes something like this:
Parent: Maple, do you want to take a bath now?
Maple: I want to read Carrot Book!
20 minutes later
Parent: Maple, do you want to take a bath now?
Maple: I want to ride my motorcyle!
And on and on
In fact, she’s so into the whole diversion tactic that when I tried to get her to take a bath the other night and she was unable to think of any more specific tasks to accomplish, her reply was:
“I want to do…something!”
So negotiations and choice are big for her right now, and extend to all areas: food selection, diaper selection (“I want to wear the other puppy dog diaper!”), clothing selection (she tries to wear snow boots and a winter coat on 30 degree days) and on and on. It’s her way of gaining some control over her world, to be sure, but she’s definitely not rigid about it. If a choice is unavailable or we’re able to convince her something isn’t a good idea at the time, she’s usually a good sport and waits for the right time to draw her line in the sand.
3 responses so far ↓
1 david // Jun 27, 2006 at 6:23 pm
“When you kids are grown, YOU’LL be using the metric system too.” I assume that relates to your 30 degree comment? Eurofag.
2 trav // Jun 28, 2006 at 7:43 am
Having conversations with your child really does have that starting-into-the-abyss element to it.
The other day I was talking with Hodie, and we got onto the subject of his swim lessons. He looked up to me and said, “I’m going to teach Wes how to swim, and then we’ll get big and strong just like you.” Then he stopped and looked down at his favorite Incredibles PJs he had on, looked back up at me and asked, “Daddy, if my pajamas eat their vegetables and meat, will they grow up big and strong too, and then I can keep wearing them?” Hodie had realized that, if he were going to grow up, he was going to need some clothes.
Later in the conversation he decided that, when he grew up big and strong like me, he’d simply wear my clothes.
3 trav // Jun 28, 2006 at 7:45 am
That was ‘staring into the abyss’, not ‘starting into the abyss’, btw.
I’d already started into the abyss years ago.
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