A sleeping man on the train this morning (with a big smile on his face):

“Salut! God Bless You! You had better learn to pray on your own.”

It seemed fitting. Atlanta is overrun by a huge posse of white Christian teenagers from all over the country right now. Thousands of them are congregating throughout the town in colorful ribbons of humanity. There must be some sort of conference. They parade through the MARTA stations, Lenox Mall, Underground Atlanta and Centennial Olympic Park in huge groups, wearing flourescent yellow shirts that read: “I Choose Life,” or “Read The Bible.” Their accents and accounts, when I overhear their conversations on the packed trains, indicate California, Minnesota, Alabama, New York.

It’s been a Christian convention here for nearly two weeks now. And tonight, at the Georgia Dome, the colors will collide as TD Jakes, one of America’s most popular and dynamic religious leaders, and a black man with a huge black following, will preach at the Georgia Dome. I wonder if this super white-bread army of Chritian teens will be attending? Even if not, you will not find a more Christian place on Earth than downtown Atlanta tonight.

In a way, it’s reassuring. If the religous wars ever materialize, and it’s Christians versus Muslims, the Christians will have a larger army than I thought. On the other hand, it’s annoying as fuck, not because of the fact that they are Christians, which I have no problem with, but the fact that they are teenagers. Witness my stair climbing plight today, and tell me if I’m going to hell.

I was changing trains at Five Points station. I’m really, really good at changing trains at Five Points. I know just where to ride on any train going in any direction in such a manner that I am let out within twenty feet of the staircase going to the platform for the train I need. I’m usually the first one to arrive at the next train.

Anyway, as I turned the corner to descend the stairs to the North-South platform, I witnessed a HUGE posse of neon Christians coming up the stairs. The problem was, they had come up BOTH sides of the staircase into the landing, and the crush of humans coming down the stairs from the Eastbound train had come down the stairs on the usual sides, only to be confronted by a mashed-up mass of humanity in the landing. In fact, it became a fairly dangerous situation as all ways in or out of the staircase became blocked. Some people were smiling, but you could see that a few were starting to get a bit of “the fear” in them.

I was getting pushed from behind, and got mashed into a girl coming up the wrong side of the staircase. She had a button on her backpack that read: “I?m so smart because I read the Bible.” I know it?s not kind, and I know it?s not polite, and I know it?s not even a very funny or clever thing to say, but I couldn?t help it.

“I guess the Bible doesn?t have stair instructions, does it?”

Note: Turns out I was mistaken about the schedule of the TD Jakes Event. It is, in fact, next weekend.